MUSIC vs SILENCE

Music is great but silence is golden.

How many hours do we spend plugged in or tuned in? How much time do we sit with 'nothing to do' simply to reflect on time passing, friends living, our lives loving one another?

One of my biggest concerns about 'these days' is that people take relatively little time just sitting (or walking) to reflect on their lives or their principles. Perhaps I've made too much effort thinking, but I know who I am - my shortcomings and my strengths - and what matters to me. I don't always act on my principles of loving my neighbour as myself or giving my best to those closest to me, but I try. I aim high, perhaps because I'd rather fail trying than not try at all.

But what I care about for other people is that they find who they are and live in that knowledge. I can't see the search going on... and I'm concerned.

What do you think? Do you take time to reflect? Or are you wrapped up in commitments, activities, responsibilities? Or is it something you've never really thought about? I'd like to know. Because if my hunch/observations/concerns are unfounded, I'd like to know that. And if they are based on what really IS going on in our world today, I'd like that confirmation. Then I'll pray about what to do to involve myself in providing a solution to that issue. I'm a firm believer in 'if you aren't part of the solution, you're part of the problem'. I want to fix things, not make them worse.

I think music is 'the food of love' and a 'balm for the hurting'. But I also feel the plug-in generation are missing some of life as they experience very little silence. Please tell me, am I right or am I wrong, so that I can make a difference.

Are You Taken Seriously?

If you've ever experienced from family or friends the sense that you aren't taken seriously, you'll know this is a frustrating experience.

I have. It made me sad and very frustrated to be mocked, considered dishonest or manipulative. But you know what? It also strengthened my resolve to stand true to what I believe and know is right and truth.

I encourage you not to be disheartened when you think you are all alone. Standing alone can feel lonesome but it also is empowering.

The difference between an atheist and a theist (one who believes in God, a creator, a supernatural/omnipotent power) is that sense of total isolation versus intangible company.

You can choose what you believe in. To me, we are never absolutely alone. And to me, that is very comforting.

Whenever I didn't feel like I was being taken seriously, I wish I'd known I could talk to God. I know now and that has made a great difference in my life, because I know someone listens and takes me seriously.

I don't believe we're alone and the entity who watches over us is not a harsh judge who looks to thump us when be mess up. Nor is he a candy-man who glazes over all our short-comings. Rather, he is one who looks to our mistakes as learning opportunities and simply wants to help us to grow into the persons he created us to be, free to be all we can be, irrespective of whether others take us seriously or not.

The mountains are high in this world. There is always a climbing buddy available. It's as simple as taking a step of faith and uttering a whisper, to invite him to let you know he's there.

thank you to the anonymous photographer

More about taking yourself seriously!

Desperate to create

Have you ever felt so desperate to produce something----anything just to show you exist and are creative? Guess what!? l believe it isn't what we create but how we create, how we relate in the creating and with whom we interact that matters far more. Process is of more value than product.  That's all very well, but if da Vinci only processed, or Mozart, where would be art today?  I guess we need to think and create-produce. I guess I'm no further along than I was when I began to write tonight. Or have I not gained the benefit of rumination?  At least frustration is no longer panting at my door, ready to pounce, crush, tear me to shreds.... Is there value in simply thinking?
Oh that I may have space simply to pontificate, taking time and asking it to submit, so I can think, express, celebrate my humanity.

Telling the Truth

INTEGRITY: Is Honesty and Option?

When I was a little kid my friend's mother asked me directly if her daughter had been eating chocolate. The daughter - my best friend - had chocolate ice cream stain around her mouth and on her chin. I remember thinking, my friend has said she hasn't eaten chocolate but she has. I said, "yes". My friend was led away and I didn't see her again until the next day when we met again to play.

When I was a little older and was being bullied, I was accused of lying. I'm not sure what accusation could have hurt me more.

You see, lying isn't an option for me. It never has been. Oh, there have been moments in my life when I've skirted an issue, like when my son asked me about Santa Claus. I never out-and-out said yes there was a Santa or 'Here's what Santa gave you' but rather he assumed all about Santa and the anonymous gift under the tree and I allowed him to draw his conclusions. Perhaps my absence of declaration is what led him to conclude there wasn't a Santa when he was barely 7 - a fairly young age.

I do remember once lying to my mother... only once, because I categorically believed at the time the truth would have upset her very much. By then I was about 20 so I didn't think she needed to know the truth about a particularly personal issue. That is the only blatant lie I'm aware of telling.

Fast forward I take a look at society today, when politicians lie, lawyers have a terrible reputation and television sit com stories hinge on lies, it's no wonder if it doesn't occur to people that lying is not an option.

Call me old fashioned, but I do believe it is possible to survive and keep relationships without lying. Sometimes the truth hurts, but generally I've seen that 'the truth sets us free' - when we hide behind lies we can often feel trapped, while admitting our failures or faux pas releases us from the shame that lies create, as well as giving us a clear conscience. Usually lies are said to protect, but I think if lying is not an option we are more apt to behave more honorably in the first place.

I'm not perfect. I know others with more integrity than I have. But in the case of lying, I've found telling the truth, though sometimes difficult, is a lifestyle that is healthier, friendlier and leads to more responsible behavior.

Can you think of a time when you've had to lie? How did you feel keeping the truth to yourself? Looking back, would you have done anything differently? Are there occasions when lying is the best option?

Would love to know your thoughts.

Love Your Neighbour

"Greater gift has no man than this: to lay down his life for his friends."

In this age of social networking and cyber bullying, it's not so easy to know who our friends are. But one thing is sure: we can know if we are a friend to others.

What is friendship? Is a friend someone to have a good laugh with, share an adventure with, or a secret? Is a friend someone who knows us inside and out and loves us anyway? Does it take time to make a good friend or can that happen overnight?

Friends are valuable to us, and hopefully we seldom take them for granted the way we do our family. While family members know us at our worst, we might not let friends see that side of us, at least not right away. We might hide our tears or our fears from friends, but then when 'crunch time' comes, how do we really know we can depend on them?

Or turning it around, how do we know we can be depended upon?

We who live in the Western World at least, live in culture that is pretty 'me' oriented. So if I turn the question on its head and say, 'how do I know I can be depended upon' it has a different flavor in my mouth. And it helps me to work out if I'm 'friend material' or not. I hope I am. I want to be.

As I look inside myself, I see a person who is loyal but also critical. Loyalty is something I admire and appreciate in my friends. But I don't want to be criticized and so I guess I should let that aspect of me 'die'.

What do you see inside yourself? What attributes contribute to your friendships? Which ones may get in the way? A man named Jesus literally died for all of us; in life and throughout literature, there are stories where one person sacrifices his life for another. But today I'm just suggesting, what part of your personality could you let die for the sake of your friends?

Classical Quest: All The Days of My Life in a Single Moment: Guest ...

Classical Quest: All The Days of My Life in a Single Moment: Guest ...: A couple months ago Tim Fall posted this piece on his blog, Just One Train Wreck After Another .  I loved it so much, I asked him if I co...

Sober or Intoxicated: Where are we running?

EXPLORING : Why Do We Over-Indulge?

I love a glass of dry red wine from time to time. Chardonnay is alright but when I was 19 I got really drunk on white wine and to this day I don’t really enjoy white like I did before that episode.

Why do so many young adults drink more than they need to? For me I think it was a learning curve – testing out how much is too much, and how much is enough. And that’s cool. We learn as children after Easter how much is ‘too much’ chocolate. We often learn the hard way what are our limits.

But sometimes we eat or drink , work or play ‘too hard’ because we don’t really want to stop and face what life is giving us. But you know what? I’ve learned that everything put before us is for ultimate good. I’ve friends who lost a child aged 9. The daughter fell out of a tree and broke her neck. For sure it was a horrible tragedy to endure. But years later, they’ve raised their other two children to adulthood and have helped hundreds of people through bereavement.

There are some things that happen to us that we don’t bring on ourselves. There are heinous crimes being committed against innocent people. But good can come from evil and facing our pain brings the pain to an eventual conclusion.

Whatever the reason for ‘too much’ in our lives, there is always a way to face and to overcome. Time heals, God heals; starting again is a healing process. Whatever the pain, whatever the cause for grief, a tear shed is one less tear holding onto you, and one more step toward wholeness.

Character grows out of adversity. Trust that and you can climb over any mountain, even if it is only one step at a time.

You can check out my twitter account: @disowndredeemd for relevant bits and bites or see www.freetobelaruspress.wordpress.com for more stuff.

What is Love?

"Love is patient, love is kind, love does not keep a record of wrongs..."

Many couples have this text read at their weddings, at least in the West. It comes from the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13. The full definition of love, comprised in a few short lines (see below) encompasses the single most sought-after desire in the universe. We all need love. Insanity, even death grows when there is a lack of love in someone's life.

But what is love, in practical terms? How do I know if I'm loving 'enough' or worthy of the love I'm offered?

For me the benchmark for love is 'how far am I willing to go for someone else?' The more I'm willing to give/sacrifice/risk the greater my love. For example, I know I love my child and my husband a lot. I know this, not because I feel excited when I see them or enjoy their company, though I do. But I know I love them because I've put their interests, needs before my own on many occasions. I love myself too, as demonstrated by the (healthy) practice of sometimes putting my own needs first. And based on this marker of assessment, I love others too, but I confess it is on a sliding scale. Some people are just not as important to me as my husband or my son and so I give less to them.

But I am a Believer and Follower of Jesus and as such, I must also consider, how much do I love him? It's one of those questions Followers ask of themselves because it is a part of their faith to do so.
If my faith is sincere, will I give up everything for Jesus? Do I love him more than my hubby, my child, myself? From many pulpits we are encouraged to walk that walk if, indeed we profess 'Christianity'. But do I?

I have begun to read a book called "The Imitation of Christ" written in the fifteenth century. I only read the chapter headings and the introduction to discover, I don't love Jesus nearly as much as I thought I did before opening the cover of the book. The book has sparked in me the realization that what I profess and what I practice are not identical. While I know I'm loved by God anyway, it doesn't make me feel good to be less than I thought.

But as this blog is about being 'up with life' and 'living purposefully' I must get to the positive perspective of this post: Who I am may not be all I thought I was, but who I am is alright with God and Jesus' love shows me that. And although I may not be as sincere in my love as I thought I was, being honest with myself and continuing to aim to give up for others shows me I'm on the right track.

Being a hypocrite is easy; being perfect is hard. But being sincere in the effort to love and to receive love is the path that most of us are on and which is the path that leads to peace of mind, hope and good relationships.

My Family

So, what is love? Love is being patient, kind, honouring toward others and myself. If I can forgive myself my inconsistencies, I'm better able to forgive others theirs, and closer to being the loving person I want to be.

(1 Corinthians 13: Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends")

MEMOIRE

There are moments in our lives when we just have to draw in from what's going on and look back to see where we've come from to get the perspective that life is picking up!

When I was 30 life slammed me a big bucket of crap and what did I do? I observed. I was in shock at revelations of my passed that I'd buried deeply and efficiently way behind my memory. And shock saved me a lot of pain. I processed a history I'd forgotten I'd lived, an abusive history, and because I was in shock I intellectualized the ugly truth, which spared me emotional agony. And once I'd gotten used to the idea of what had been my young life at home, I finally could feel again and the feelings and the tears surfaced and were shed so that I could breathe and exists and thrive.

I'd lived under a cloud most of my life and I didn't even know there was sun! But repressed memories will surface when it's safe for us to cope.

I clung to 3 bits of wisdom through this:

SOAR! Glimpse from Far Above to See How Vast the Future Is

1. Have a small circle of friends you can count on to download a little every now and then. I believe I never burdened or dumped on anyone, but there were a handful of trusted friends I could go to, one-on-one, from time to time, just to share a piece I didn't want to carry. THANK YOU DEAR FRIENDS.

2. Believe and trust yourself. There will be the temptation to doubt but that's part of the cloud. You've stepped out so stay out! If you weren't strong enough to handle this, you wouldn't have made it this far. And anyway, truth sets us free to freedom is at hand.

3. Trust and believe in the Holy Spirit. Without Him, I can't imagine how I'd have coped. He gave me comfort and assurance beyond human understanding.

I've not described any gory details. None are necessary. The point is that life is truth and freedom. There is plenty of room for privacy but no need for secrecy or shame. You've come this far under a cloud. Imagine what lies in store without it!?



2. 

Forgiving - Myself

Sometimes I am tempted to come down pretty hard on myself. Then I remember a time when I realized it was time to stop beating myself up emotionally.

One day, while sitting on my living room carpet, I was criticizing myself - berating myself in fact. I had realized I'd just made another bad decision....

Here was the scenario:
I was a struggling actress and I had been offered a bit part for no pay. So, I said "No, thank you," thinking I was made for better a contract than that. And then I realized after it was too late to change my mind -- and even before the film became a 'hit' -- that I'd missed the boat.

So, typical of me, having realized I'd made a mistake, I then proceeded to berate myself: mentally and emotionally beating myself up for being so blind and so stupid as to turn down an offer of film acting.
During this session of self-criticism it dawned on me: How long was I going to do this? Was there any real purpose in it? It wasn't going to change the situation. And if I wasn't meant to 'judge' other people, that must also surely include myself.

So, I stopped the emotional tirade upon myself (that was about 15 years ago). And decided that was a habit worth breaking for good.

I've not done that since. A bad habit was broken that day, a habit I'd formed from childhood or at least my teen years.

What good is it to put oneself down? To abuse oneself does not do any good. Yes we need to learn from our mistakes so we don't repeat them, but self-criticism is not helpful if it causes us to shame ourselves.

Forgiveness is very freeing, not as much for the person who is forgiven but particularly for the one holding the grudge. Unforgiveness binds us to the past whereas forgiveness sets us free from bitterness and pain, allowing us to move into the present and the future. I've never been one to hold a grudge. And when I learned not to punish myself, I learned not to hold a grudge against myself. That was entirely liberating!

Whatever unforgiveness shackles you, may I urge you to let it go?!

Featured as Guest Blogger

Hi, if you're interested in book reviews or author profiles, if you'd like to read a guest post I wrote, please see:

http://bookmarketingbuzzblog.blogspot.com/2013/02/young-minorities-lead-smartphone-owners.html

Brian Feinblum's Book Marketing Buzz Blog is awesome!

Don't Know What to Do? What do you Have in your Hands?

We've all got talents, interests and skills. Hopefully our skills and interests overlap, at least most of the time. If we want desperately to achieve something, we work at it, because as Einstein said, "Genius is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration".

Because of the passion, boldness and courage inherent in youth, young people - I don't mean children  but rather teens/twenty-somethings - have a definite advantage over older people to satisfy their potential. Somehow, older folk become complacent or fearful or loose the idealism of Youth. I like to connect with young people (and in this blog I imagine that I am) because I value their perspective and hope to sprinkle that with a bit of wise encouragement. You see, I believe that whatever gift(s) we're born with are intended to be used to shape our lives - and the lives of the people around us - for the better. So, "point one": Don't doubt the power of your influence! Whether it's now or in a decade from now, what you do will make an impact.

I believe we're each put here for a particular purpose. The talents we're born with and the circumstances we're faced with, gear us toward that purpose. By using the abilities we've got, moving passionately within our circumstances, we'll discover the purpose for which we are here!

I took for granted some of the things I was good at, despised them really, and preferred the 'challenge' of doing something, well, more challenging. But that was stupid of me.That took me on some detours, that weren't exactly a waste of time, but they didn't draw me nearer to fulfillment either. You see, my journey shows me that fulfillment is the satisfaction of being in the right circumstance that allows you to use your abilities and all the lessons you've learned so far, to make a difference to the world around you.

It took me a l-o-n-g time but eventually, after teaching, acting, singing, administration, eventually I woke up to the purpose for which I was put here on this earth, namely, to offer my perspective/insight/revelations to others. It wasn't obvious to me for a long time, but now I write and I love it!

I believe if we use our abilities, and if we explore what fascinates us, we'll eventually find our purpose: the reason we were put here. So, whatever you have in your hands - whatever gift, education, natural inclination or fascination - I believe that's where you're meant to begin.

I had a pen, a serious appreciation for diaries and other little books with nice, even stunningly beautiful covers and lots of lined-but-otherwise-empty pages. I've had a propensity to think too much, say too much and write every nuance of every thought I ever had on a given day. And by age 15, I had a track record of long letter writing.

I took detours from age 18 to 40, thinking I wouldn't succeed at writing. But eventually I just got down to it seriously. I may never make a penny, but I have to do it. I guess that's the secret of choosing a vocation - it's just something you've 'got to do'. For me, it's writing. What is it for you? Whatever it is, no one can take it away from you. Find it and you'll find fulfillment. Ignore it and I think you won't.

Whatever is your passion, whatever drives you forward: that's probably the 'hint' telling you what you're made to be. You can respect it. Cherish it and nurture it, even if it won't pay the bills. Even if it won't satisfy someone else. Because at the end of the day, you have the possibility to be precisely who you were born to be. And that's an awesome prospect.

What have you got in your hands?

Child Speaks His Mind

I'm so glad that my young son (now 8) speaks his mind... Oh, sometimes he's so direct to his daddy or to me it's positively presumptuous (no, not scrumptious but presumptuous).
BUT because he articulates what he thinks, it's often very helpful to avoiding the development of his own neurosis.

Have I ever mentioned that I was neurotic as a twenty-something? As a thirty-something too for that matter. I think by 40 I sorted it out because by then I'd realized I was living under a cloud and that cloud didn't belong... longer story about getting out from under the cloud but in any case, early on in my life I was so focused on me I didn't realize that wasn't necessarily healthy or .... necessary.

Anyway, because I grew into a neurotic person (self diagnosed and non-threatening, except to myself) I abundantly aware I don't want that for my son. I've sort of been on high-alert to danger signs. So, when he says 'stuff' after an argument that suggests 'it's all my fault' or 'if only I hadn't...' I'm keen to let him know it takes two to argue - or even three as in our household which includes Hubby, Me and Son - and it is rarely only one person's responsibility. Nor can one person avoid an argument when other(s) choose to be grumpy.

I'm not sure if I'm making any sense. Let me sight a specific case in point: take tonight for example...

Tonight Son wasn't feeling very well after gym class. We'd had made casual plans to go out for dinner but decided at the last minute not to as he wasn't feeling great and neither of us felt like it any more either.

All fine.

We get home and after a soupy meal, Hubby says, "So, we're not going to watch a movie tonight."
Hubby and I had discussed (in private) the possibility of finishing a movie before Son went to bed, a movie we'd started earlier in the week.
Son was confused. I said, 'Hubby why did you raise it if we're not going to do it and now you've put it into his head and disappointed him?!'
Innocent hubby had been thinking out loud and had made his statement rather absentmindedly, not realizing that Son hadn't been privy to our conversation hours earlier.

Big 3-way discussion ensues about the wherefores and why nots -- and not without a bit of back-talk from mind-speaking Son (remember this is where we began?) -- of the evening's lack of activity. Eventually I pronounce 'bottom line: Son can't watch a movie because he isn't very well and needs to get to bed.'

Okay.

So, Son heads to our bed. I'd set him up to take my side of the bed before dinner and announced it to both of them - or so I thought. Now, such an invitation is extremely rare. But as it's winter outside and next week he has his first competition (Son is a bit of a gymnast) I want to ensure he stays healthy. Hubby though is busy doing house-hold chores in master bedroom. I try to kick Hubby out of the room.
No, Son is not sleeping in our bedroom!... "Mommy made a mistake."
Son nearly reduced to tears of frustration says, "If only I hadn't been sick..."
I say by way of aside: "Nah, Honey, that's not it. I think Mommy and Daddy were grumpy... Circumstances aren't usually what create an argument, it's moods that do that more often. An argument rarely happens because of what any one person or another says or does."

Well, isn't that true? Doesn't arguing arise from the need to vent our frustrations? No sense my son taking the blame for himself AND 2 adults. He's got enough on his plate just dealing with his own bad mood.

So, today I'm glad to have averted a negative message digging into my son's mind, and putting a cloud over it. He isn't responsible for everything that happens in this household. And he doesn't need to carry that burden.

If Son wasn't so outspoken, or I hadn't heard his comment, he'd be walking around with guilt - on top of feeling a bit miserable physically. I'm glad he speaks his mind, even if it isn't always in a perfectly polite way.

The ability to speak one's mind is a gift, and one that deserves nurturing I think.