Child Speaks His Mind

I'm so glad that my young son (now 8) speaks his mind... Oh, sometimes he's so direct to his daddy or to me it's positively presumptuous (no, not scrumptious but presumptuous).
BUT because he articulates what he thinks, it's often very helpful to avoiding the development of his own neurosis.

Have I ever mentioned that I was neurotic as a twenty-something? As a thirty-something too for that matter. I think by 40 I sorted it out because by then I'd realized I was living under a cloud and that cloud didn't belong... longer story about getting out from under the cloud but in any case, early on in my life I was so focused on me I didn't realize that wasn't necessarily healthy or .... necessary.

Anyway, because I grew into a neurotic person (self diagnosed and non-threatening, except to myself) I abundantly aware I don't want that for my son. I've sort of been on high-alert to danger signs. So, when he says 'stuff' after an argument that suggests 'it's all my fault' or 'if only I hadn't...' I'm keen to let him know it takes two to argue - or even three as in our household which includes Hubby, Me and Son - and it is rarely only one person's responsibility. Nor can one person avoid an argument when other(s) choose to be grumpy.

I'm not sure if I'm making any sense. Let me sight a specific case in point: take tonight for example...

Tonight Son wasn't feeling very well after gym class. We'd had made casual plans to go out for dinner but decided at the last minute not to as he wasn't feeling great and neither of us felt like it any more either.

All fine.

We get home and after a soupy meal, Hubby says, "So, we're not going to watch a movie tonight."
Hubby and I had discussed (in private) the possibility of finishing a movie before Son went to bed, a movie we'd started earlier in the week.
Son was confused. I said, 'Hubby why did you raise it if we're not going to do it and now you've put it into his head and disappointed him?!'
Innocent hubby had been thinking out loud and had made his statement rather absentmindedly, not realizing that Son hadn't been privy to our conversation hours earlier.

Big 3-way discussion ensues about the wherefores and why nots -- and not without a bit of back-talk from mind-speaking Son (remember this is where we began?) -- of the evening's lack of activity. Eventually I pronounce 'bottom line: Son can't watch a movie because he isn't very well and needs to get to bed.'

Okay.

So, Son heads to our bed. I'd set him up to take my side of the bed before dinner and announced it to both of them - or so I thought. Now, such an invitation is extremely rare. But as it's winter outside and next week he has his first competition (Son is a bit of a gymnast) I want to ensure he stays healthy. Hubby though is busy doing house-hold chores in master bedroom. I try to kick Hubby out of the room.
No, Son is not sleeping in our bedroom!... "Mommy made a mistake."
Son nearly reduced to tears of frustration says, "If only I hadn't been sick..."
I say by way of aside: "Nah, Honey, that's not it. I think Mommy and Daddy were grumpy... Circumstances aren't usually what create an argument, it's moods that do that more often. An argument rarely happens because of what any one person or another says or does."

Well, isn't that true? Doesn't arguing arise from the need to vent our frustrations? No sense my son taking the blame for himself AND 2 adults. He's got enough on his plate just dealing with his own bad mood.

So, today I'm glad to have averted a negative message digging into my son's mind, and putting a cloud over it. He isn't responsible for everything that happens in this household. And he doesn't need to carry that burden.

If Son wasn't so outspoken, or I hadn't heard his comment, he'd be walking around with guilt - on top of feeling a bit miserable physically. I'm glad he speaks his mind, even if it isn't always in a perfectly polite way.

The ability to speak one's mind is a gift, and one that deserves nurturing I think.