Telling the Truth

INTEGRITY: Is Honesty and Option?

When I was a little kid my friend's mother asked me directly if her daughter had been eating chocolate. The daughter - my best friend - had chocolate ice cream stain around her mouth and on her chin. I remember thinking, my friend has said she hasn't eaten chocolate but she has. I said, "yes". My friend was led away and I didn't see her again until the next day when we met again to play.

When I was a little older and was being bullied, I was accused of lying. I'm not sure what accusation could have hurt me more.

You see, lying isn't an option for me. It never has been. Oh, there have been moments in my life when I've skirted an issue, like when my son asked me about Santa Claus. I never out-and-out said yes there was a Santa or 'Here's what Santa gave you' but rather he assumed all about Santa and the anonymous gift under the tree and I allowed him to draw his conclusions. Perhaps my absence of declaration is what led him to conclude there wasn't a Santa when he was barely 7 - a fairly young age.

I do remember once lying to my mother... only once, because I categorically believed at the time the truth would have upset her very much. By then I was about 20 so I didn't think she needed to know the truth about a particularly personal issue. That is the only blatant lie I'm aware of telling.

Fast forward I take a look at society today, when politicians lie, lawyers have a terrible reputation and television sit com stories hinge on lies, it's no wonder if it doesn't occur to people that lying is not an option.

Call me old fashioned, but I do believe it is possible to survive and keep relationships without lying. Sometimes the truth hurts, but generally I've seen that 'the truth sets us free' - when we hide behind lies we can often feel trapped, while admitting our failures or faux pas releases us from the shame that lies create, as well as giving us a clear conscience. Usually lies are said to protect, but I think if lying is not an option we are more apt to behave more honorably in the first place.

I'm not perfect. I know others with more integrity than I have. But in the case of lying, I've found telling the truth, though sometimes difficult, is a lifestyle that is healthier, friendlier and leads to more responsible behavior.

Can you think of a time when you've had to lie? How did you feel keeping the truth to yourself? Looking back, would you have done anything differently? Are there occasions when lying is the best option?

Would love to know your thoughts.

Love Your Neighbour

"Greater gift has no man than this: to lay down his life for his friends."

In this age of social networking and cyber bullying, it's not so easy to know who our friends are. But one thing is sure: we can know if we are a friend to others.

What is friendship? Is a friend someone to have a good laugh with, share an adventure with, or a secret? Is a friend someone who knows us inside and out and loves us anyway? Does it take time to make a good friend or can that happen overnight?

Friends are valuable to us, and hopefully we seldom take them for granted the way we do our family. While family members know us at our worst, we might not let friends see that side of us, at least not right away. We might hide our tears or our fears from friends, but then when 'crunch time' comes, how do we really know we can depend on them?

Or turning it around, how do we know we can be depended upon?

We who live in the Western World at least, live in culture that is pretty 'me' oriented. So if I turn the question on its head and say, 'how do I know I can be depended upon' it has a different flavor in my mouth. And it helps me to work out if I'm 'friend material' or not. I hope I am. I want to be.

As I look inside myself, I see a person who is loyal but also critical. Loyalty is something I admire and appreciate in my friends. But I don't want to be criticized and so I guess I should let that aspect of me 'die'.

What do you see inside yourself? What attributes contribute to your friendships? Which ones may get in the way? A man named Jesus literally died for all of us; in life and throughout literature, there are stories where one person sacrifices his life for another. But today I'm just suggesting, what part of your personality could you let die for the sake of your friends?

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Sober or Intoxicated: Where are we running?

EXPLORING : Why Do We Over-Indulge?

I love a glass of dry red wine from time to time. Chardonnay is alright but when I was 19 I got really drunk on white wine and to this day I don’t really enjoy white like I did before that episode.

Why do so many young adults drink more than they need to? For me I think it was a learning curve – testing out how much is too much, and how much is enough. And that’s cool. We learn as children after Easter how much is ‘too much’ chocolate. We often learn the hard way what are our limits.

But sometimes we eat or drink , work or play ‘too hard’ because we don’t really want to stop and face what life is giving us. But you know what? I’ve learned that everything put before us is for ultimate good. I’ve friends who lost a child aged 9. The daughter fell out of a tree and broke her neck. For sure it was a horrible tragedy to endure. But years later, they’ve raised their other two children to adulthood and have helped hundreds of people through bereavement.

There are some things that happen to us that we don’t bring on ourselves. There are heinous crimes being committed against innocent people. But good can come from evil and facing our pain brings the pain to an eventual conclusion.

Whatever the reason for ‘too much’ in our lives, there is always a way to face and to overcome. Time heals, God heals; starting again is a healing process. Whatever the pain, whatever the cause for grief, a tear shed is one less tear holding onto you, and one more step toward wholeness.

Character grows out of adversity. Trust that and you can climb over any mountain, even if it is only one step at a time.

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