Telling the Truth

INTEGRITY: Is Honesty and Option?

When I was a little kid my friend's mother asked me directly if her daughter had been eating chocolate. The daughter - my best friend - had chocolate ice cream stain around her mouth and on her chin. I remember thinking, my friend has said she hasn't eaten chocolate but she has. I said, "yes". My friend was led away and I didn't see her again until the next day when we met again to play.

When I was a little older and was being bullied, I was accused of lying. I'm not sure what accusation could have hurt me more.

You see, lying isn't an option for me. It never has been. Oh, there have been moments in my life when I've skirted an issue, like when my son asked me about Santa Claus. I never out-and-out said yes there was a Santa or 'Here's what Santa gave you' but rather he assumed all about Santa and the anonymous gift under the tree and I allowed him to draw his conclusions. Perhaps my absence of declaration is what led him to conclude there wasn't a Santa when he was barely 7 - a fairly young age.

I do remember once lying to my mother... only once, because I categorically believed at the time the truth would have upset her very much. By then I was about 20 so I didn't think she needed to know the truth about a particularly personal issue. That is the only blatant lie I'm aware of telling.

Fast forward I take a look at society today, when politicians lie, lawyers have a terrible reputation and television sit com stories hinge on lies, it's no wonder if it doesn't occur to people that lying is not an option.

Call me old fashioned, but I do believe it is possible to survive and keep relationships without lying. Sometimes the truth hurts, but generally I've seen that 'the truth sets us free' - when we hide behind lies we can often feel trapped, while admitting our failures or faux pas releases us from the shame that lies create, as well as giving us a clear conscience. Usually lies are said to protect, but I think if lying is not an option we are more apt to behave more honorably in the first place.

I'm not perfect. I know others with more integrity than I have. But in the case of lying, I've found telling the truth, though sometimes difficult, is a lifestyle that is healthier, friendlier and leads to more responsible behavior.

Can you think of a time when you've had to lie? How did you feel keeping the truth to yourself? Looking back, would you have done anything differently? Are there occasions when lying is the best option?

Would love to know your thoughts.

Love Your Neighbour

"Greater gift has no man than this: to lay down his life for his friends."

In this age of social networking and cyber bullying, it's not so easy to know who our friends are. But one thing is sure: we can know if we are a friend to others.

What is friendship? Is a friend someone to have a good laugh with, share an adventure with, or a secret? Is a friend someone who knows us inside and out and loves us anyway? Does it take time to make a good friend or can that happen overnight?

Friends are valuable to us, and hopefully we seldom take them for granted the way we do our family. While family members know us at our worst, we might not let friends see that side of us, at least not right away. We might hide our tears or our fears from friends, but then when 'crunch time' comes, how do we really know we can depend on them?

Or turning it around, how do we know we can be depended upon?

We who live in the Western World at least, live in culture that is pretty 'me' oriented. So if I turn the question on its head and say, 'how do I know I can be depended upon' it has a different flavor in my mouth. And it helps me to work out if I'm 'friend material' or not. I hope I am. I want to be.

As I look inside myself, I see a person who is loyal but also critical. Loyalty is something I admire and appreciate in my friends. But I don't want to be criticized and so I guess I should let that aspect of me 'die'.

What do you see inside yourself? What attributes contribute to your friendships? Which ones may get in the way? A man named Jesus literally died for all of us; in life and throughout literature, there are stories where one person sacrifices his life for another. But today I'm just suggesting, what part of your personality could you let die for the sake of your friends?

MEMOIRE

There are moments in our lives when we just have to draw in from what's going on and look back to see where we've come from to get the perspective that life is picking up!

When I was 30 life slammed me a big bucket of crap and what did I do? I observed. I was in shock at revelations of my passed that I'd buried deeply and efficiently way behind my memory. And shock saved me a lot of pain. I processed a history I'd forgotten I'd lived, an abusive history, and because I was in shock I intellectualized the ugly truth, which spared me emotional agony. And once I'd gotten used to the idea of what had been my young life at home, I finally could feel again and the feelings and the tears surfaced and were shed so that I could breathe and exists and thrive.

I'd lived under a cloud most of my life and I didn't even know there was sun! But repressed memories will surface when it's safe for us to cope.

I clung to 3 bits of wisdom through this:

SOAR! Glimpse from Far Above to See How Vast the Future Is

1. Have a small circle of friends you can count on to download a little every now and then. I believe I never burdened or dumped on anyone, but there were a handful of trusted friends I could go to, one-on-one, from time to time, just to share a piece I didn't want to carry. THANK YOU DEAR FRIENDS.

2. Believe and trust yourself. There will be the temptation to doubt but that's part of the cloud. You've stepped out so stay out! If you weren't strong enough to handle this, you wouldn't have made it this far. And anyway, truth sets us free to freedom is at hand.

3. Trust and believe in the Holy Spirit. Without Him, I can't imagine how I'd have coped. He gave me comfort and assurance beyond human understanding.

I've not described any gory details. None are necessary. The point is that life is truth and freedom. There is plenty of room for privacy but no need for secrecy or shame. You've come this far under a cloud. Imagine what lies in store without it!?



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