Telling the Truth

INTEGRITY: Is Honesty and Option?

When I was a little kid my friend's mother asked me directly if her daughter had been eating chocolate. The daughter - my best friend - had chocolate ice cream stain around her mouth and on her chin. I remember thinking, my friend has said she hasn't eaten chocolate but she has. I said, "yes". My friend was led away and I didn't see her again until the next day when we met again to play.

When I was a little older and was being bullied, I was accused of lying. I'm not sure what accusation could have hurt me more.

You see, lying isn't an option for me. It never has been. Oh, there have been moments in my life when I've skirted an issue, like when my son asked me about Santa Claus. I never out-and-out said yes there was a Santa or 'Here's what Santa gave you' but rather he assumed all about Santa and the anonymous gift under the tree and I allowed him to draw his conclusions. Perhaps my absence of declaration is what led him to conclude there wasn't a Santa when he was barely 7 - a fairly young age.

I do remember once lying to my mother... only once, because I categorically believed at the time the truth would have upset her very much. By then I was about 20 so I didn't think she needed to know the truth about a particularly personal issue. That is the only blatant lie I'm aware of telling.

Fast forward I take a look at society today, when politicians lie, lawyers have a terrible reputation and television sit com stories hinge on lies, it's no wonder if it doesn't occur to people that lying is not an option.

Call me old fashioned, but I do believe it is possible to survive and keep relationships without lying. Sometimes the truth hurts, but generally I've seen that 'the truth sets us free' - when we hide behind lies we can often feel trapped, while admitting our failures or faux pas releases us from the shame that lies create, as well as giving us a clear conscience. Usually lies are said to protect, but I think if lying is not an option we are more apt to behave more honorably in the first place.

I'm not perfect. I know others with more integrity than I have. But in the case of lying, I've found telling the truth, though sometimes difficult, is a lifestyle that is healthier, friendlier and leads to more responsible behavior.

Can you think of a time when you've had to lie? How did you feel keeping the truth to yourself? Looking back, would you have done anything differently? Are there occasions when lying is the best option?

Would love to know your thoughts.