Forgiving - Myself

Sometimes I am tempted to come down pretty hard on myself. Then I remember a time when I realized it was time to stop beating myself up emotionally.

One day, while sitting on my living room carpet, I was criticizing myself - berating myself in fact. I had realized I'd just made another bad decision....

Here was the scenario:
I was a struggling actress and I had been offered a bit part for no pay. So, I said "No, thank you," thinking I was made for better a contract than that. And then I realized after it was too late to change my mind -- and even before the film became a 'hit' -- that I'd missed the boat.

So, typical of me, having realized I'd made a mistake, I then proceeded to berate myself: mentally and emotionally beating myself up for being so blind and so stupid as to turn down an offer of film acting.
During this session of self-criticism it dawned on me: How long was I going to do this? Was there any real purpose in it? It wasn't going to change the situation. And if I wasn't meant to 'judge' other people, that must also surely include myself.

So, I stopped the emotional tirade upon myself (that was about 15 years ago). And decided that was a habit worth breaking for good.

I've not done that since. A bad habit was broken that day, a habit I'd formed from childhood or at least my teen years.

What good is it to put oneself down? To abuse oneself does not do any good. Yes we need to learn from our mistakes so we don't repeat them, but self-criticism is not helpful if it causes us to shame ourselves.

Forgiveness is very freeing, not as much for the person who is forgiven but particularly for the one holding the grudge. Unforgiveness binds us to the past whereas forgiveness sets us free from bitterness and pain, allowing us to move into the present and the future. I've never been one to hold a grudge. And when I learned not to punish myself, I learned not to hold a grudge against myself. That was entirely liberating!

Whatever unforgiveness shackles you, may I urge you to let it go?!

Featured as Guest Blogger

Hi, if you're interested in book reviews or author profiles, if you'd like to read a guest post I wrote, please see:

http://bookmarketingbuzzblog.blogspot.com/2013/02/young-minorities-lead-smartphone-owners.html

Brian Feinblum's Book Marketing Buzz Blog is awesome!

Don't Know What to Do? What do you Have in your Hands?

We've all got talents, interests and skills. Hopefully our skills and interests overlap, at least most of the time. If we want desperately to achieve something, we work at it, because as Einstein said, "Genius is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration".

Because of the passion, boldness and courage inherent in youth, young people - I don't mean children  but rather teens/twenty-somethings - have a definite advantage over older people to satisfy their potential. Somehow, older folk become complacent or fearful or loose the idealism of Youth. I like to connect with young people (and in this blog I imagine that I am) because I value their perspective and hope to sprinkle that with a bit of wise encouragement. You see, I believe that whatever gift(s) we're born with are intended to be used to shape our lives - and the lives of the people around us - for the better. So, "point one": Don't doubt the power of your influence! Whether it's now or in a decade from now, what you do will make an impact.

I believe we're each put here for a particular purpose. The talents we're born with and the circumstances we're faced with, gear us toward that purpose. By using the abilities we've got, moving passionately within our circumstances, we'll discover the purpose for which we are here!

I took for granted some of the things I was good at, despised them really, and preferred the 'challenge' of doing something, well, more challenging. But that was stupid of me.That took me on some detours, that weren't exactly a waste of time, but they didn't draw me nearer to fulfillment either. You see, my journey shows me that fulfillment is the satisfaction of being in the right circumstance that allows you to use your abilities and all the lessons you've learned so far, to make a difference to the world around you.

It took me a l-o-n-g time but eventually, after teaching, acting, singing, administration, eventually I woke up to the purpose for which I was put here on this earth, namely, to offer my perspective/insight/revelations to others. It wasn't obvious to me for a long time, but now I write and I love it!

I believe if we use our abilities, and if we explore what fascinates us, we'll eventually find our purpose: the reason we were put here. So, whatever you have in your hands - whatever gift, education, natural inclination or fascination - I believe that's where you're meant to begin.

I had a pen, a serious appreciation for diaries and other little books with nice, even stunningly beautiful covers and lots of lined-but-otherwise-empty pages. I've had a propensity to think too much, say too much and write every nuance of every thought I ever had on a given day. And by age 15, I had a track record of long letter writing.

I took detours from age 18 to 40, thinking I wouldn't succeed at writing. But eventually I just got down to it seriously. I may never make a penny, but I have to do it. I guess that's the secret of choosing a vocation - it's just something you've 'got to do'. For me, it's writing. What is it for you? Whatever it is, no one can take it away from you. Find it and you'll find fulfillment. Ignore it and I think you won't.

Whatever is your passion, whatever drives you forward: that's probably the 'hint' telling you what you're made to be. You can respect it. Cherish it and nurture it, even if it won't pay the bills. Even if it won't satisfy someone else. Because at the end of the day, you have the possibility to be precisely who you were born to be. And that's an awesome prospect.

What have you got in your hands?